When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found the puke drawer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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