Do you still have your period?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
