im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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