No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
