I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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