Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
