I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
