Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
