If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
