You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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