i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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