I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
