piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
