was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
