I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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