I think I won the penis lottery.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
