Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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