I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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