i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
