I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
