hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
