I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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