I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
