I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
