i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was born a porn star she said
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
