kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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