wake up i wanna do it froggy style
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
