so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
