just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
