got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
