i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
