We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pants are for mortals
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize