What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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