you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize