sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
