So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
