I got chris browned last night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So much rum. So many feels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
