if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
