Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
