do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
