no, he came in my armpit
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
