sarcasm needs its own font
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I smell like Dick and happiness
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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