Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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