It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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