wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
