The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
