My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
