My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
