She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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