So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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