Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
