I wish life had little blips of pornography
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
