i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
