So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
