Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she told me i tasted like america
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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